But this very obedience will be acceptable to God and pleasing to all only if what is commanded is done without hesitation, delay, lukewarmness, grumbling, or objection. For the obedience given to Superiors is given to God, since He Himself has said,"He who hears you, hears Me" (Luke 10:16). And the disciples should offer their obedience with a good will, for "God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:7). For if the disciple obeys with an ill will and murmurs, not necessarily with his lips but simply in his heart, then even though he fulfill the command yet his work will not be acceptable to God, who sees that his heart is murmuring. And, far from gaining a reward for such work as this, he will incur the punishment due to murmurers, unless he amend and make satisfaction.

I am very seldom commanded. I am self-employed. My clients expect me to be creative. My role at church and at home is principally that of a volunteer.

There are certainly tasks that I enjoy more and less. With the less enjoyable I will sometimes procrastinate. The delay usually adds to the burden of the work.

But I do murmur and grumble at myself. This is typically because I am dissatisfied with how I have fulfilled my own choices. I will even curse myself.

Self-critique can be healthy and valuable. But this grumbling and cursing is something else. It is a self-abuse that can continue decades after the task or outcome.

It is a sinful egotism that is an impediment to experiencing the love of God. I need to stop looking to the past and embrace God's command for the present.